Now that I am starting to look for a full-time job OUTSIDE our home, again starts the debate with myself. Suddenly, I feel like it’s “not right” to start working, because my little Sanjo needs me. Even though I know that I will be working for his needs and his future, I can’t shake off the nagging feeling that a full-time working mom just isn’t as good as a full-time stay at home mom.

Then I remembered this particular episode on Oprah that I was able to watch. I remember the psychologist saying that “it doesn’t make you less of a mother if you choose to work full-time”.. I should start saying that repeatedly to myself, so that I can stop worrying that I’m a bad mother for choosing to work instead of taking care of my baby. It’s not that I won’t be taking care of Sanjo, I will still be taking care of him when I’m home, and during my days off. I just hope I can stop feeling guilty about working. If only my Bubby was earning enough for all our expenses, I can stay home. But we’re really struggling with our finances, and the online gigs I get aren’t enough to cover what we need.

So what is your take on this issue? Do you think that full-time working moms aren’t as good as full-time stay home moms?

I was supposed to post this the other day, but was just too busy to do it. LOL. Sanjo sat on my lap while I was working, and I was busy chattering about so as not to keep him bored. He likes having people talk to him, and he usually coos back or at least mouths an “ooh” or an “aah”. I was just surprised when he suddenly said “ma-ma”. And we were really surprised. JC was washing the dishes at that time, but he heard it too. He even “pretended” (not really just pretend but I know he’s sort of serious also) to be hurt. LOL. I guess every baby’s first word is mama. It’s just easier to say than Daddy or anything else. Hmm..

Not everyone knows this, but some may be wondering why most of the time, it’s just Sanjo in my posts. You see, Sabyn doesn’t live with me. She hasn’t been living with me for a year now. My mom has been taking care of her, and I get to see her only a few times each year, when my mom comes home to the Philippines and brings her here to see me. They live in our hometown in Zamboanga City (although my mom is in and out of the country since my family is really based in the UK), where my cousin is the one my mom got to take care of Sab. I miss her terribly, and there are times I feel bad about myself because what kind of mother am I, when I am not the one taking care of Sab as I should be? True that she’s better off living with my mom because right now, what we earn is barely enough for my Bubby, me and Sanjo. Which is why for 2010, I aim to work harder, write better, because I believe that I can earn a stable income doing what I love best — writing. There are a lot of things that I need to learn, but I’m ready and willing to take the necessary sacrifices just to be better and eventually make it.